While it is nearly impossible to tell what's going on in that blur of madness and action, we saw a few important things that we're really excited about.
We get our first looks at Julianne Moore in a red plaid dress, a clean-shaven Jeff Bridges dressed like a cattle rancher, a dude with an amazing fully-robotic arm, Halle Berry in a 1950s librarian ensemble and Channing Tatum rocking a cowboy hat.
Also included amid the chaos are shots of robot dogs, a retro diner, a ton of explosions and even more butterflies, for some reason. No, seriously, there are just a ton of butterflies in this long-awaited sequel.
Luckily for everyone, a fan took the teaser and slowed it down, to allow everyone to enjoy the wild ride. However, it's still unlikely anyone could really take away much in terms of plot.
Unfortunately, there's no good shot that clearly identifies Colin Firth's character, Harry Hart, who is rumored to be reprising his role despite [spoiler] dying in the previous film.
Kingsman: The Golden Circle explodes into theaters Sept. 29.