7 definitive ways to decide LeBron James vs. Michael Jordan for good

7 definitive ways to decide LeBron James vs. Michael Jordan for good

7 definitive ways to decide LeBron James vs. Michael Jordan for good

7 definitive ways to decide LeBron James vs. Michael Jordan for good

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Why won’t anyone consider these very important, totally serious stats when arguing LeBron vs. Jordan?!

Has LeBron James surpassed Michael Jordan? It’s a debate that has been raging over the past week now that James is headed to his seventh straight NBA Finals, a series that could potentially give him the fourth championship of his career. While he would still be two shy of Jordan, James and his overall body of work is growing more and more convincing.

But why wait? Let’s settle this right now. A hundred different people have argued for and against each player in the LeBron vs. Jordan debate, but none of them have done it correctly. I will do just that. Any other LeBron vs. Jordan argument you see on the internet is not worth reading. This one is objectively, unequivocally correct.

I’m glad that by the end of this article, we’ll finally know who really is the greatest basketball player to ever play the sport.

ITEM No. 1: Stolen bases

Our first bit of evidence is pretty convincing.

Michael Jordan: 30 stolen bases

LeBron James: no stolen bases

It’s wild that James never stole a base. He’s pretty tall, sure, at 6’8, but we all how quickly he can accelerate when he needs to. Certainly, you’d think he could get 90 feet from first to second base without any real trouble, but Jordan blows him out of the water here.

Advantage: Jordan

ITEM No. 2: Strikeouts

Counterpoint: Jordan’s getting smoked here.

Michael Jordan: 114 strikeouts

LeBron James: no strikeouts

Many people say Jordan is the G.O.A.T., and yet even he struck out 114 times. James hasn’t struck out even once. Wow.

Advantage: James

ITEM No. 3: Retirements

Hmm. Let’s take a look at the stats.

Michael Jordan: 3 retirements

LeBron James: no retirements

How can James be the greatest if he has never retired? Jordan’s done it three times!

Advantage: Jordan

ITEM No. 4: Long Beyoncé stares

I can’t say with absolute certainty that Beyoncé has never cast her gaze upon Michael Jordan, also known as His Airness, also known as Air Jordan. But I can offer evidence that Beyoncé, also known as Queen B, also known as Sasha Fierce, definitely did just that to LeBron.

Michael Jordan: 0 long Beyoncé stares

LeBron James: 1.5 long Beyoncé stares

Advantage: James

ITEM No. 5: Defeating a team of intergalactic alien invaders

I’m happy to admit that this category could change — LeBron James really actually maybe seriously might be starring in Space Jam 2, which will come out in 2019 or something. However, this is currently a cut-and-dry case.

Michael Jordan: 1 team of intergalactic alien invaders defeated

LeBron James: 0 teams of intergalactic alien invaders defeated

Clearly, LeBron needs to do a much better job at protecting the Earth from intergalactic space alien invaders or he may never be the greatest player of all time.

Advantage: Jordan

ITEM No. 6: Times they went bald

James, who idolized Jordan growing up, made jokes about some of the things he did to emulate the Bulls legend. But he also quickly pointed out that he hasn’t gone bald and that it won’t happen for him until after his career.

Hm. We live in a partisan world where you can’t always trust information presented by a side with obvious bias. Of course James is going to say he hasn’t gone bald while Jordan has.

But after carefully examining the follicle evidence on both sides, I’m confident acknowledging that James’ evidence is a sound argument in his favor.

Michael Jordan: 1 time going bald

LeBron James: 0 times going bald

Advantage: James

Neither player has pulled ahead yet, but we still have one item to go that will surely determine who the better player is once and for all.

ITEM No. 7: NBA franchises owned

Wow, this one is tricky. On one hand, Michael Jordan purchased a majority stake in the Charlotte Hornets through his group, MJ Basketball Holdings, on Feb. 27. On the other, James just eliminated the Boston Celtics last week for the fourth straight time and now has scored more points against them than any player has ever scored against any team in the postseason.

So given that, we’re gonna say ...

Michael Jordan: 1 team owned (Hornets)

LeBron James: 1 team owned (Celtics)

Advantage: tied

We were going to stop at seven, but it looks like our current tally is Michael Jordan 3, LeBron James 3, and one item that’s a tie. We can’t stop here! One more!

TIEBREAKER: NBA playing careers

Damnit, I didn’t want to do this. Is this item even relevant?

We have Michael Jordan, who was very good at basketball. And then we have LeBron James, who was also very good at basketball. Which one was better at basketball? That’s an important question.

Michael Jordan: good at basketball

LeBron James: also good at basketball

Unfortunately, since James hasn’t finished his career, I think we’re at an impasse. Right now, Jordan is probably still better, but that answer might change after James plays several more seasons. It’s a shame those first seven categories didn’t help, but we did the best we could.

Advantage: Inconclusive